So that is what imprisons you...
what holds you inside
caged within
unable to escape
unable to move on
held in place by these hard places of the heart
Hard places.
Prison cells.
A place we cannot move beyond.
Not until we are able to unlock these bonds that bind us
and it is in our hands
if only we can realize the key we hold
too stubborn
unwilling to let go of these old hurts
we hang onto them as though they're golden handcuffs
bracelets of beauty
wear them with pride
... or maybe
they're all too familiar to let them go.
Like a wedding ring.
Once it has been in place a while, taking it off leaves the finger feeling naked.
Exposed.
Unprotected.
Is this protection then?
These shackles of unforgiveness?
We harden our hearts a little more
wear our bonds, like armor on our sleeves
fettered feet and hands
until at long last
we're no longer longing to be free
but content to sit in place, restrained,
confined
manacled to the walls
we are in place, not moving about
we feel safe here.
Here, nobody can hurt us.
No one can find us
we hole ourselves up inside our little burrow in the wall
akin to the other cell mates, we relate our bitterness
clattering our chains
counting each link in remembrance of pain
and lament the way we were before our freedom escaped us
If only they hadn't done this or that.
If only, if only.
And yet the keys dangle from our hands
and we see them not
blind
ignorant
unable to move beyond the past and into the future.
I listen to the birds outside my cell window
beyond these bars, they sing.
they fly.
they haven't a care in the world
no grudges to hold
no bitterness to bear
FREE.
I pause and listen to their song
use the key
to be free
you will fly
just like me
find the key
at your wrist
give the lock
one more twist
golden key
hanging there
free yourself
lose your care
thank the one
made the key
he has freed
you and me
let it go
just forgive
do it now
and you'll live
prison doors
won't hold fast
letting go
of the past
keep it not
set it free
your release
you will see
beyond the bars
freedom lingers
try the key
at your fingers
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness...
It was never mine to keep anyway.
Never mine to try and hoard
or keep locked up away from anyone.
Not even those who have hurt me most
It's not mine to say who it belongs to.
It belonged to Him first.
And the really sad and tragic thing here...
is that many who have hurt so much
don't even know they've done it
No idea.
Free conscience.
Not a clue they've done anything wrong at all.
And here I've sat
angry
hurting
brooding
unable to get past the hurt
while they glided along day to day
blissfully unaware
laughing
carrying on
not a care in the world
Who, then, has been hurt by my unforgiveness?
Them?
No.
Me.
I sigh.
Sit on the ground.
Take the key in hand.
Place it in the lock.
Give it a turn.
A turning in my mind.
A turning over of my heart.
A deliberate turning off of my emotional attachment.
The turning over of my own control of this situation to the Eternal Judge.
Out of my own hands, into His.
And with a turn and a click, the heavy metal pieces fall to the floor.
Clanging loudly against the concrete floor.
Heads turn at the sound.
Eyes stare in wonder.
"What are you doing?"
"Leaving."
"How?"
"I've unlocked these things. Use that little key. Just forgive them."
"What?! I can't. It's impossible. You don't know what they've done to me."
"No, I don't know what they did to you. But, do you want out of here?"
"Well, yeah. Of course I do."
"Then let it go. I mean really, really... let it go. You've got to get past that to find the key."
"You're crazy. You are just crazy. It won't work. I'll just be miserable, and they'll get away with it."
"No, you won't. You won't be miserable anymore. And they won't get away with it. Not if you let it go."
"What? How is my forgiving them going to fix things?"
"Because then whatever they've done can't hurt you anymore."
"It still hurts. It hurts me right now."
"Yeah, I know. But it won't get better sitting in here. This place never helps anyone. People come here to die."
"I...uh... I don't want to die here."
"Trust me then. Let go."
"I just can't."
"Look. Look where you are. Inside this cell. This prison. This open sewer. It stinks. It's miserable. Covered with slime and filth. It's not nice in here. You're in hell in this cesspool. Don't you want to get out? Don't you want to walk out of these doors? To be outside again? Wouldn't you like to breathe in some air that didn't smell like a urinal? To feel the wind blowing on your face? To walk in the grass and under the trees and look up into the wide open sky, just staring forever at the clouds and the birds and the sun? And when is the last time you looked at the stars? I mean more than outside that pitiful little crevice they call a window? Don't you want to LIVE? Don't you want to be FREE?!!"
Tears fall. Shoulders shake with silent sobbing anguish.
Desperation and shame trickle down soiled faces.
"Yes. We want to live. We want to be free."
"Then stop being unforgiving. Open up your heart. Let it go."
"But we don't know how. This is all we know. It's all we've got. We don't have anything else to hold on to."
I smile.
"Come to the window. Listen to the birds. Can you hear the words they're singing?"
We stand for a long time.
Listening to the birds and their song.
Then, one at a time, each face lights up.
Each one looks down at their hands and can see the key hanging there.
Surprised, they glance at me, holding the golden key in hand.
I smile. Go ahead.
Turning of the locks. Clanking of the chains.
The prison is noisy with the clattering of metal on concrete.
We stand a moment, rubbing our wrists and ankles.
We squeeze hands and exchange hugs, each person to the other.
Tears of joy.
Hearts and hands trembling in anticipation.
And then, hands clasped together, hearts racing, we walk out.
A chain of people, letting go, holding nothing but one another's hand in our own hands.
No more chains.
No more shackles.
No handcuffs or manacles.
No bonds.
Nothing but freedom holding freedom.
And we get just outside the door, and break into a run.
Sweeping past the prison yard.
Racing over the hills.
Flying down the roads.
Dashing underneath the trees.
Spilling out into the wide open prairie
Clear blue skies overhead
And we stop then and stare up into the sky that stretches on forever
where we dance and twirl around like little kids
and smile like crazy
because we're free.
No comments:
Post a Comment